Ah, the preteen years. Not only do we parents have to contend with puberty (again — but this time, it’s our kids going through it, and somehow worse than when we went through it?), but also with a myriad of factors that did not come into play when we were young. The internet, new math, and less homework? It all feels like uncharted territory, especially when it comes to homework. Think about it: when was the last time you did homework (besides bringing work home)? Exactly.
The good news is: it doesn’t have to feel foreign. Consider this your guidebook to help instill the best homework habits for your preteen (no new math required!).
Tip #1: Check in with them once you connect after school/work
Ask them how their day was; our family likes to do a rose/thorn/bud of the day (the “rose” is the best part of your day; the “thorn” is the worst part, or maybe the part that just didn’t go their way; the “bud” is your hope for tomorrow). Let’s say you’re sitting at the dinner table — ask them their Rose of the Day, then follow it up by doing a homework check-in. Were they tasked with any new homework assignments? Did they turn in previous work? Do they need any help, or is there any particular subject where they feel “stuck?” What’s their favorite bit of homework they’ve done so far (hey, you can at least try and encourage the whole homework-can-be-fun thing!).
And, look — it doesn’t have to happen at the dinner table. Most of the time, our family eats dinner in different spots and rooms throughout the house. Our kids are seven years apart, and we have a multi-generational family home. You don’t have to pick a perfect time to talk about homework. It can happen on the way home from school, in the car on the way to the dentist, or you can hit “pause” on YouTube to a chorus of, “Hey! I was watching that!” and demand to know what homework they have (maybe “demand” is too strong of a word, but you pick up what I’m putting down!). The important takeaway is: check in with your kid.
Tip #2: Get it over with ASAP (if you can!)
How many of us like to procrastinate? I know I do! Getting homework done early and right after school, while their brains are still in “work mode,” is the best time to get it done. That way, they can enjoy the rest of their evenings — have dinner, text their friends, watch TV, play on the iPad, whatever.
Personally, I’m also an advocate of, “Do what works best for you and your family.” If your kiddo needs time to rest, relax, and recharge after school, then have at it!
Tip #3: Create a space they want to work in
If you’re going to be slogging through new math, you might as well be doing it in a space you love. Help them help you create that space. Maybe your kid is super into all things skincare, pink, and smiley faces — grab them a notebook covered in 90s-era smileys and put some high-end hand cream on their desk (not too high-end, though! Have you seen the economy lately?).
Are they into music? Spring for a Spotify Premium account and make them a playlist of your “vintage” tunes — for me, that would be an entire playlist of Spice Girls, Alanis Morissette, and Britney Spears.
You’re partners in this homework journey — make it worth their while. Make sure their desk chairs are comfortable. Heck, make sure they have a desk — you can find free ones online if you don’t have the budget to totally outfit a homework area (or the space — small desks exist, too! Look up “corner,” “secretary,” or “mini” desks for inspo). Having a separate homework space that isn’t their bed, the couch, or the kitchen table helps them to focus better for longer. And if it’s a comfortable, fun space they actually want to be in — that’s gold.
Tip #4: Have them work towards a win
Look, homework is boring (a lot of the time)! Your kids want incentives (i.e., to be rewarded) for a job well done. And it doesn’t necessarily have to be Robux — kids love feeling heard and having parents or caregivers acknowledge their achievements. If they complete a really hard assignment they’ve struggled with for weeks, or gotten to the 30th chapter of the novel they’re reading, tell them they deserve a pizza-and-movie-of-their-choice night, a sleepover with their friends, or a special day out on the weekend with mom or dad, where they can choose the activity (my kid loves going to the Oaks Park Roller Rink, the Clackamas Mall, or Hidden Creek Park West, otherwise known as “the monkey park”).
Also, this last tip was pre-approved by my preteen, so you know it works!
Anna Giles has written about parenting, her kids, cats, and other things for over 10 years now (the math is easy when your oldest kid is 10). Fancy companies she’s written for include Delta, IHG, Bravo, NBC, E!, Syfy, and Disney. Parenting publications she’s written for include Romper, Time Out New York Kids, and Mommy Nearest. She’s really good at procrastinating on writing her Great American Novel. She has two kids and a perfect golden retriever. A born-and-raised Southerner, she’s learning to love her new PNW home in Portland but would really like to join a sauna during the winters, so please read her articles!!!