As we lean into the emotional roller coaster we call the holiday season, we get to spend more time with our children, who are navigating more emotional complexity than ever before. Pressure to them can feel like: school pressures, shifting social dynamics, shifting family dynamics, technology, and the growth of their own identities. Here in the Pacific Northwest, where communities pride themselves on wellness, connection, and progressive education, parents are increasingly looking for ways to support their children’s emotional health at home. I have a background in supporting Special Education students with coping skills, and I credit Spiritual Counselor, Durga Fuller, for planting the seeds of these principles and nurturing this knowledge within me over the last decade. These methods are among the most effective approaches to cultivating emotional intelligence (EI)—the ability to recognize and understand ourselves, and to manage our emotions and reactions. Understanding it takes the human brain 90 seconds to process an emotion, follow this guide, but remember that timing is everything. Offer “space” if a child needs to de-escalate; create a “boom” or space for them to feel their emotions with a sense of privacy and security. Low lights, and a sensory activity that will help them process the energy that they are still learning to understand within them. Validate them, let them know that what they feel is not too much; they need to learn and regulate, which begins with us.
Emotional intelligence is not a trait children “grow into.” It’s a skill set, and like any skill, it strengthens with guidance and practice. Families can create emotionally supportive environments that help children feel safe expressing themselves, problem-solving, and building empathy. Small, consistent habits make the most significant difference.
Parents can start by teaching basic emotional language, such as helping kids name their feelings, as a basic skill set. Children often act out when they don’t have the words to explain what’s happening inside. Parents can support this by narrating emotions in everyday situations: “It looks like you’re frustrated because the Lego tower fell,” or “You seem proud of the picture you drew.” Labeling emotions gives kids clarity and teaches that all feelings—big or small—are welcome.
Once children can identify their emotions, they’re better able to regulate and manage them. Simple mindfulness practices tailored for their age appropriateness can help. Many Pacific Northwest families are turning to kid-friendly meditation, breathwork, or sensory grounding techniques to help children pause before reacting. Even 30 seconds of slow breathing can shift a meltdown into a manageable moment. Outdoor time, fresh air, and sensory bliss are natural assets in Oregon and Washington. Just observing your breath in silence, as a family, can be a powerful tool for emotional regulation. A quiet walk at the beach or the forest, a moment of fresh air, or simply touching something textured (like a pinecone or driftwood) can help children calm their nervous systems. Grounding and Earthing are rudimentary tools for connecting to Earth that can reduce inflammation and balance moods almost instantly.
Empathy is an essential component of EI. Encouraging kids to think about how others feel builds compassion and stronger relationships. Teaching them empathy will be a challenge, and its progress over time into adulthood will not be linear. Parents can prompt empathy by asking reflective questions: “How do you think your friend felt when that happened?” or “What would help them feel better?” Storybooks, family conversations, and even observing nature—such as caring for a garden or household pet—offer gentle opportunities to explore empathy in everyday life.
Technology can also play a positive role when used intentionally. Many families are incorporating wellness apps that support emotional growth. Kid-focused mindfulness apps, mood trackers with simple emojis, and parent-oriented tools for managing stress can help families build emotional awareness together. When used with guidance—not as a replacement for connection—these tools create shared moments of reflection and dialogue.
Most importantly, families can nurture emotional intelligence by creating a culture of open conversation. A daily check-in routine can take just a few minutes but has a lasting impact. The Pacific Northwest’s “slow living” ethos makes space for this kind of intentional connection. Parents might ask: “What was the best part of your day? The hardest? What are you hoping for tomorrow?” These questions teach vulnerability, resilience, and trust.
Rearing emotionally healthy children isn’t about perfection; it’s really about consistency and presence. With small, daily practices, our families in the Pacific Northwest can help kids build the emotional skills they need to thrive in school, relationships, and their community for years to come.
Crystal Bauer Feldman is a Portland writer and community advocate focused on culture, inclusion, and family life.