Bullying is a serious and widespread issue that affects children of all ages, from toddlers in daycare to teenagers in high school. Whether it takes the form of verbal taunts, physical aggression, social exclusion, or cyberbullying, the effects can be deeply damaging, often leaving emotional scars that last far beyond childhood.
As a parent, understanding the nature of bullying, knowing how to intervene appropriately, and teaching your child how to respond effectively are crucial steps in protecting their well-being and nurturing resilience. I worked in public education for 25 years and saw many forms of parenting from parents to children. Learning how to deal with this is especially important for parents to understand and support their child if they are a victim of bullying.
What Is Bullying?
Bullying is repeated, intentional behavior that causes physical, emotional, or psychological harm to another person. It involves a power imbalance, whether real or perceived.
Types of Bullying
- Verbal bullying: Name-calling, insults, teasing, intimidation, racist or sexist remarks.
- Physical bullying: Hitting, kicking, pushing, stealing, or damaging property.
- Social or relational bullying: Spreading rumors, purposeful exclusion, public embarrassment.
- Cyberbullying: Bullying via digital platforms like social media, texts, or online games.
In early childhood settings like daycare or preschool, bullying may not always appear as it does among older children, but can still include repeated aggression, dominance behaviors, or exclusionary tactics.
Recognizing the Signs of Bullying
Children may not always tell adults when they are being bullied, especially if they feel shame, fear retaliation, or don’t believe it will help. Watch for these warning signs:
- Unexplained injuries or damaged belongings
- Avoidance of school or daycare
- Changes in eating or sleeping habits.
- Sudden emotional outbursts, anxiety, or depression
- Drop in academic performance.
- Social withdrawal or loss of interest in favorite activities
- Regressive behaviors (in younger children), like bedwetting or clinginess
How Parents Can Address Bullying
1. Create Open Lines of Communication
Establish a home environment where children feel safe to talk about their day and emotions. Ask specific, open-ended questions like:
- “Who did you play with today?”
- “Did anything happen that made you feel uncomfortable or upset?”
2. Listen Without Judgment
If your child discloses bullying:
- Stay calm and avoid overreacting.
- Thank them for sharing.
- Reassure them that it is not their fault.
- Validate their feelings (“That sounds really tough.”).
3. Document Everything
Keep detailed records of incidents—dates, locations, what happened, and any communication with school staff. This helps build a case if intervention is necessary.
4. Report bullying or harassment to the School or Daycare
Bring the issue to the attention of teachers, caregivers, or administrators. Approach calmly but firmly. Most schools and daycare centers have anti-bullying policies in place.
Key steps:
- Request a meeting.
- Share documented incidents.
- Ask about supervision practices and how bullying is typically handled.
- Follow up regularly.
If the issue is not resolved through standard channels, escalate by contacting the district, school board, or regulatory body for childcare. Begin with the teacher, and if you receive no response, schedule a meeting with a vice principal or principal and obtain a copy of the district or daycare’s harassment and bullying policy. Typically, school districts have student handbooks that outline their policies addressing these issues.
What Parents Can Teach Their Children
While adult intervention is critical, children also need tools to handle bullying themselves. Here are essential skills and concepts to teach your child:
1. Know the Difference Between Bullying and Conflict
Help your child understand that:
- Conflict is a disagreement between equals.
- Bullying is targeted and involves an imbalance of power.
This helps them accurately report situations and avoid overusing the label “bullying.”
2. Build Confidence and Assertiveness
Teach your child to:
- Use a strong, clear voice to say things like, “Stop that. I don’t like it.”
- Maintain eye contact and confident body language.
- Walk away calmly when it is safe to do so.
Practice role-playing scenarios at home.
3. Encourage Safe Reporting
Children should feel that telling an adult is not tattling, but a responsible and brave action.
Reinforce that:
“If you or someone else is getting hurt—physically or emotionally—you should always tell a trusted adult.”
4. Promote Empathy and Inclusion
Teach your child not only how to respond if they are bullied, but how to stand up for others, be a friend to someone who’s excluded, and avoid becoming a bystander.
Examples:
- “You can say, ‘That’s not nice,’ when someone is being picked on.”
- “Invite kids who are alone to join you.”
5. Digital Safety and Cyberbullying
Even young children are using tablets and smartphones. Start early:
- Teach them not to share personal information.
- Talk about respectful online behavior.
- Show them how to block/report inappropriate content or messages.
- Have parental controls on younger children on tablets.
Supporting Children Who Bully Others
If you discover that your child is harassing or bullying others, resist the urge to become defensive. Instead:
- Address the behavior, not the child’s character.
- Explore reasons (e.g., low self-esteem, modeling adult behavior, peer pressure).
- Set clear consequences and expectations for respectful behavior.
- Praise empathy and cooperation when you see it.
- Collaborate with teachers or counselors for additional support.
Bullying is a multifaceted issue that requires a united front between children, parents, and educators. By fostering open communication, teaching your children essential skills, and holding institutions accountable, parents can significantly mitigate the harm caused by bullying. Most importantly, remind your child regularly:
“You are not alone. You have the right to feel safe and respected—and I will always be here to help and protect you.”
