As our families settle into new school year routines, many of us parents experience pangs of gratitude for the dedicated adults who care for our children while they are away from us. Especially when we visit the school and see these busy people in action, we recognize it takes a very special person with a broad skill set and a deeply sacrificial heart to care all day long, every day of a school year, for so many energetic young people learning so many different things about so many subjects.

But then, most of us never say anything about this appreciation for these wonderful professionals. We might not even mention all this respect to our children, who will see these important people every day of their school year and who would also benefit from that voicing of our thought processes and gratitude. Do our children know we respect their teachers and the other grownups guiding them on their educational journey?

Lack of respect in the classroom from both students and parents in the face of mounting external pressures is a leading cause of teacher retention failure rates, job-related stress, and burnout. Teaching has always been a highly demanding job, but it is even more so now in many new ways than in years past. While we recognize that the biggest fixes are not simple, we might not be aware that a surprisingly small amount of support can go far. Teachers and others who work with children all day, every day, tend to be talented at many things, including recycling the goodwill they collect. Something as simple as a note of specific appreciation will often be kept for a lifetime and revisited as needed for the new internal fuel that inspires.

The “love language” of most teachers and other educational professionals is not silence. Suppose we want to support and sustain the very people who are helping us raise and educate some of our most important family members. In that case, we can do some simple, even easy things that will fill their reservoirs and remind them that what they are doing is not only critical but essential and that we are grateful for their work.

Here are ten ways to meaningfully express appreciation to a teacher:

1. Tell them that we appreciate them for specific things.

When we see or communicate with them, we can thank them at that time for the things we notice and for which we are sincerely grateful. The more specific, the better. “Thank you for teaching,” and “Thank you for the letter you attached to the math assignment last week. It helped me support Riley’s homework, and I appreciate the time you took to put that together for us.” Even if we can only say, “I want to thank you for creating a cheerful, colorful classroom in this shadowed corner of the school building,” we can do that. We can say that thing. We can make sure someone has said the things that many parents are thinking but probably not verbalizing. We can be that someone.

2. Offer our help.

If we have a spot in our schedule, one of the most useful things we can offer a teacher is our time. There are always more tasks than time in most classrooms, and the fun stuff like events or outings is only really possible with support from extra people. We can offer ourselves up as chaperones or classroom assistants and do the paperwork that then requires, investing the time that being there takes.

This opens up possibilities for all the students involved, but it also sends an extraordinary message to our children that their education matters to us. Teachers recognize, and research has long shown, that students with involved parents tend to be higher-performing. It’s not an accident, and it’s not done in reverse. Parents don’t get involved because their kids are doing well; kids whose parents are involved just tend to do better in school because of parental involvement. Even one day of our time, or a block of time on one day, sends a valuable message worth sending and makes enrichment activities possible for an entire class.

3. Set reminders on the calendar to check in with the teacher(s) and others at the school.

We’re thinking about all this right now as we’re reading this post and experiencing the back-to-school routines of a new school year, but this article will get forgotten, and the school year will soon strike a rhythm and become our norm again. That’s why we need reminders on the calendar: we need to remember to circle back to this subject of teacher appreciation and reinforce it when others have forgotten to do so. We can remember, and we can help our children to remember.

4. Give a useful gift to the extent allowed.

Teachers spend an absurd amount of their own money and personal life energy “off the clock” caring for their students and our children in educational ways. If we can give a little back to support those expenses, or we can give a little back to support those self-sacrificing humans themselves, then that is money that gets multiplied by the number of lives they touch each day.

We can be sure, though, that there is not a smidge more room in a teacher’s cupboard for another coffee mug, or on any flat surface for another trinket of any kind––but a gift card to an office supply store, or for a tasty treat, coffee, or meal is going to be an uplifting delight for the recipient. We just need to check first to see if our school district has a gifting limit or a ban on gift cards. (An annual gift-giving limit of $50, for instance, even if given anonymously, is common now to ensure transparency and to avoid conflicts of interest or the appearance of favoritism.)

That said, simple, even small demonstrations of thoughtfulness, though, might be the thing that counters one or more of the most difficult of school days and makes a teacher feel that, yes, they do have what it takes to keep teaching some more, and that, yes, they are right for this taxing, sometimes overwhelming job. They simply needed one person in one tipping-point moment to affirm their support and appreciation. We don’t have to know that we are the person who made that timely difference, but we can ensure that we are among them.

5. Commit random, even anonymous, gestures of kindness or beauty.

We should not always let the recipient know who we are when we do a nice thing, so they can assume it could be any student or any parent who has done that nice thing for them. The gesture is not about us or our child; it’s about the recipient.

We can also get our students in on the fun of creating a list of ideas and then continue developing that list over time. How can we delight this specific teacher, bus driver, office manager, janitor, lunch provider, campus monitor, or other school employee’s day? How can we do that throughout the year?

6. Tell someone in administration what we appreciate about the teacher.

We can praise our appreciated educational professionals in writing, whether to a supervisor, their team members, or in a newsletter, being sure to be specific. For example, rather than simply saying, “I am happy with Ms. Morgan this year!” it is more affirming to state, “As the parent of a fourth-grader at our school, I often stop to enjoy the projects that Ms. Morgan posts on the hallway bulletin board outside her classroom. I notice that she really takes the time to guide and encourage her students with her detailed, constructive, and kind comments on their work.”

The positive effects of this type of public praise can lead to all sorts of good things in the school environment. It positively impacts that teacher, of course, but also the administrators, the other teachers, and even the other parents who see one more reason to be glad that they and their own families are also involved in our school’s community. This kind of positivity then inspires more of the same in others.

7. Think twice before sending that email, especially a long one.

I’m a writer, so you can imagine my regret about some of my long emails over the years! And I’m a teacher, too. Oof. I know better. However, I was also a parent for many years, so I understand how easy it is to get carried away by email accessibility. Emails can be such a tremendous drain on a teacher’s time and energy that we parents need to remember: not everything that needs to be said needs to be said at great length. Not everything needs to even be said at all. Sometimes, being short is sweet, and not saying a thing is even sweeter. Certainly, nothing essential should be overlooked out of either courtesy or timidity, but also, nothing essential should be expressed with negativity or verbosity at any time. By pausing before corresponding and then only writing the succinct essentials, we respect the teacher’s time.

During the past several years of social challenge, I learned to practice greater patience with all public service employees by asking myself: “Would I rather be the one doing this person’s job? No? Ok, then: I will be patient and understanding with them. I will give them grace.”

8. Ask the teacher for a wish list.

They may not have a go-to suggestion when we inquire, especially if caught off guard by the thoughtfulness and caring this demonstrates. They might already have an online wish list or office supply shopping list as long as an English epic. Either way, we can make it a goal to know about these specific items and oblige ourselves to cover one or more of them.

Even better, we can ask for permission to share a well-honed wish list (regardless of who compiles it) and then coordinate its coverage with the other parents connected to the school, classroom, or teacher. (Again, be sure to reference the gift-giving rules in the school district and coordinate that compliance).

9. Instruct our children on the expectations we have for their own displays of respect and conduct in school settings and classrooms. 

It is imperative that we take the time to advise our own children on how to be a good influence on their friends and peers, even about how to be a leader when it comes to demonstrating respect for the teachers and other adults at school. We cannot assume that saying nothing is fine because our child behaves at home. The two environments are different, and we might be surprised by how our students behave at school if they are not explicitly advised about what we expect them to do, not ever do, how, and when.

Every teacher can likely name students who have stepped up in a challenging classroom moment to demonstrate to all the other students present that students must show teachers, administrators, assistants, and substitutes due respect. It is a beautiful thing to witness a young person take the social risk to demonstrate such maturity among their peers, and this is not likely to happen without guidance and mentorship from that student’s home environment. Usually, this kind of respectful leadership by students garners respect from not only their classmates but also from the teacher and other adults.

10. Tell our children what we appreciate about their teachers and other educational professionals.

We can commit to speaking only the positives to our child and be sure to raise any concerns that must be raised with the educational professionals in private. Our children need to see the adults they are learning from working well together on their behalf.

This tenth item is perhaps one of the most lasting on the list. Our child, the teacher’s student, sees these important adults every weekday and can be taught and encouraged to continue to support the positive learning relationship and environment in our stead. To learn to give back in the social exchange of education, or any healthy relationship, is one of the most important lessons anyone can teach a child, and we parents are the best teachers of that lesson.