Many of us are guilty of COVID shaming or judging others in some form. We wonder, “How could they do something so stupid?” “What risky behavior did they do to get it?” or “They weren’t careful enough.” As we’ve seen, people have been catching COVID in unexpected or even unknown places and situations. It’s not nearly as black and white as we’d like to believe.

A 2021 survey from Johns Hopkins University found that COVID has become stigmatized and associated with shame. As a result, people become hesitant to share their positive test results with others, allowing the virus to grow and spread quickly. They may fear that the people they exposed to the virus will become angry or blame them for not being careful enough.

The judgment surrounding the vaccine has also created an unhealthy polarization among communities. For example, when the vaccine first rolled out, those who seemed too young to receive the vaccine were shamed for posting on social media. Others were shamed for not receiving the vaccine right away. Instead of helping the public through negative feedback, shame only makes individuals feel bad and less likely to ask for help when they actually need it.

Kids and teens see our world publicly shaming each other all over media and even at home or school. Shame can cause the virus to spread unchecked and put immense stress and anxiety on individuals. With children and teens back in school and COVID still raging among us, shaming others for catching COVID or having family members with COVID can quickly become a new form of bullying.

How can you teach your kids to be more empathetic towards others and avoid COVID shaming? Here are a few ways to teach your child to contribute to a kinder and more proactive community.

1. Be honest and open about COVID.

Hiding or reacting strongly to news about COVID in front of your child can show them that COVID symptoms are something to be ashamed of. As a result, not only may they avoid telling you about their symptoms, but they can shame their peers, who may have a cough or runny nose, by overreacting or teasing them for having COVID.

Instead, be open if there are people at school or in your community who has COVID. It’s important to show your child that taking COVID seriously and encouraging others to be honest about it can make a huge difference and save lives.

2. Discuss the difficulties of staying safe at times.

Though people may do everything they can to avoid getting COVID, they may unknowingly become exposed to the virus while getting gas, buying groceries, or working. Others who don’t experience as many privileges may also catch COVID living in more impoverished or crowded areas.

You can discuss with your child how becoming exposed to and contracting COVID may not always be in our control. However, we can do all we can to stay safe and prevent it as much as possible.

3. Put themselves in someone else’s shoes.

A great way to avoid shaming is to understand another person’s perspective. Discuss how you as the parent might feel if others made them feel ashamed for having COVID. Have your child think about how they would feel too to give them some perspective.

This is the perfect opportunity to teach children to empathize with someone else’s feelings even if they have never had the same experience. Teaching them to empathize with others can lead to kinder and more gracious behaviors in the long run.

4. Focus on helping, not hurting.

With shame comes the focus on the negative feelings and judgments towards others. However, teach your child to focus on how they can help support someone struggling with COVID. They can encourage them simply by thanking them for being open and communicating about having COVID symptoms.

Even if you were exposed, don’t blame the other person but seek to solve the problem by quarantining and cooperating with the health department. Becoming a problem-solver rather than blaming will drastically reduce the desire to shame those who have gotten sick.