Before my daughter headed off to Kindergarten: I was extremely nervous at the thought of mingling with other parents because I am an introvert. Even in my small group of buddies, it’s hard for me to attend get-togethers. I am a longtime stay-home mom, and I also attended college and grad school full-time as an online student. With these home-based roles, and having access to social media, I have developed a resistance to in-person socialization over the years. I communicated with my kiddos at home, participated in lengthy, intense class discussions, and regularly posted about what our family was up to on social media—but I felt uncomfortable physically communicating with others, even my friends and family. 

I still feel this way, and I really do chalk it up to my experiences at home, and my comfort in what I call “lazy communication” a.k.a. texting and social media. 

When Kindergarten started for my daughter, I noticed immediately that the other parents seemed as nervous as I was about talking to each other. At drop-offs and pick-ups, the body language of the parents said it all. Nervous smiles, rushing past each other, and avoiding eye contact were regular occurrences. 

Truthfully, I was kind of relieved. We would all attend the playground to let our kids play after school, but we rarely talked. When we did gather up the strength to converse, it was quite literally “weather talk.” 

“How was your weekend? I hear it’s gonna be a hot one!”

“Can you believe this rain? I know, crazy, right?”

We all floated through the school year with lots of minimal, awkward communication. Suddenly, things started to change. I noticed a group forming of moms and dads at the playground. I also noticed (from afar) that their conversations seemed longer, and their body language grew less resistant. 

My husband and I continued to hang back and observe. Then the group started sitting together at a bench. When the bench became too small for the growing group, they stood around it and chatted. 

“Crap” I thought. A feeling of guilt came over me: “Why am I not trying to join them?” It was time to put my discomfort and selfishness aside and try to build relationships with these fellow parents for my daughter’s sake. So, I did. 

I slowly tried to contribute to their conversations. I held my gazes a little longer. I put myself out there and hung out near the bench, and soon, I had a new group of buddies. Further, I gained a favorite buddy out of the group that I am truly fond of. 

I realized I was resistant for one reason: I had labeled them all as “other parents” instead of simply people who could be enjoyable to be around. This is why labels are dangerous.

First grade came rolling around and I was thrilled to see them in the Fall. Our little group grew closer and not surprisingly so did our kiddos. Now, during this pandemic, I can honestly say I really miss this group of parent friends. We have taken our relationship off school grounds and we regularly “group text” with one another, but I still miss being around them. I am grateful for this group. Not only do we have a sense of camaraderie, but they are now my friends. 

I was lucky enough to find this group at our local elementary school. This type of meeting might not work for others. An example would be parents who homeschooled their kiddos before the pandemic, or parents who have kids who are not yet attending school. Also, single parents or parents with minimal child-care relief. For these parents, I would recommend seeking out local support groups. There are some great choices out there. Although it is unlikely that these groups are “meeting up” right now because of the pandemic, it seems they are still connecting virtually.

Here are a few recommendations for finding support groups and/or fellow “parent friends” in your area. 

Facebook- 

Facebook has a large variety of parent groups. The variety of groups provides support for Portland parents in general, Portland foster parents, Portland autism parents, Portland parents of multiples, and more. The groups range in size from hundreds of members to thousands of members. It seems there is a group for every type of parent out there.

Meetup-

Meetup also has many different group offerings. Examples include parents who live in Portland who are: parents of multiracial kiddos, LGBTQ parents, parents who are caregivers for the elders in their family, and parents who deal with depression or Bipolar disorder. I could not believe how many options there were. The list went on and on. This is a great choice with plentiful options.

Hospital groups for “new moms”-

Providence Portland hospital offers a group for new moms. Although this is the only option for parent groups, it is an important one. It looks like the group has certain times to physically meet up, but I would guess they are offering the support virtually given the current pandemic. OHSU also offers a group for new moms called the “OHSU baby club”. The website states that they have altered their support to virtual options.

Portland Doula Love-

This website offers a variety of support groups: new parents (“being a new parent” and “sleep support”), “working moms support group”, and “new dads’ night out” are their options. Their calendar shows classes once a month.

Aside from these local choices, there are larger options as well. The “National Parent Helpline” and “Hand in Hand Parenting” are bigger, national websites that can connect you to fellow parents in your area. “Hand in Hand” asks what type of connection you would prefer in finding a local parent group.  It is so important to reach out if you are feeling overwhelmed or lonely as a parent/caregiver. 

With these local and national options, finding nearby support is just a click away. Although meeting up in person is ideal for some folks, virtual groups can be helpful too. Hopefully, this pandemic will slow down, and meet-up options will be available soon. Best of luck to you all in finding support through fellow parents/caregivers.